YOU'RE A PUPPET

As I was painfully watching the Presidential debate last night, I felt compelled to start writing the next installment since the word "puppet" got stuck in my consciousness.

Sung to the tune of "I've Got No Strings" from Disney's Pinocchio...

YOU'RE a Puppet!

Trump's got no strings

To calm him down

To make him smart

He's such a clown

He rode a bus

Spoke can-did-ly

He likes to grab pu**y

 

Hillz goes high and Trump goes low

That's the only way they know

He'll build a wall in Mexico 

and guess who'll pay? You'll see! 

 

Hillz got no strings

And lies for fun

She hides emails from everyone

They've found those things

So you can read

On Wikileaks for free!

(to be continued from my Treehouse in Costa Rica.  See "Do you want to build a treehouse?")

DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A TREEHOUSE

I HAVE A DREAM...

That one day I will run my own Bed & Breakfast treehouse in Costa Rica with a sustainable garden where I can grow my own vegetables and herbs so I can cook healthy and delicious meals for my guests while incorporating a venue for fitness/yoga/meditation to connect with the SELF (somewhat important) and act as a resource to set up tours for those interested in hiking, biking, zip-lining, kayaking, scuba diving, and other active pursuits if so desired.  Hammocks and Waterfalls also included.

SO....

DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A TREEHOUSE?

(Sung to the tune of “Do you want to build a snowman?” from Disney’s FROZEN)

Do you want to build a treehouse?
Ditch the corporate life and play
The sparkle in your eye is dim
Let’s hit the gym
Or go outside all day…

The fun seemed never-ending
But now it stopped
I wish they could explain why!
Do you want to build a treehouse?
It doesn’t have to be a treehouse
    Go away, Shannon

Okay, bye...

Do you want to build a treehouse?
Or do some cartwheels down the halls
I think some wine and drinks are overdue
I've started talking to
the toilets in the stalls
It gets a little lonely
In these quiet cubes

Just watching the hours tick by

(Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock)

[adventurous interlude to be included in the music video]

[knock, knock, knocking on the office door]

Hello, I know you're in there
Don’t ignore me - let me in
They say "work harder," and I'm trying to
It’s not just me and you, we must begin
To be the change we wish to see
In the world – agree?
So, what are we gonna do?

Do you want to build a treehouse?

A WHOLE NEW HIP

Following the hip surgery of a fellow coworker, this song was my "Best Wishes - Happy Healing" gesture to him.  His surgery was successful and he's still learning to walk on it but he resents the fact that he can't do backflips anymore.  For now. 

“A WHOLE NEW HIP” (sung to the tune of “A Whole New World” from Disney’s Aladdin)

 

Tom has got a new hip

Damage was worse than first thought

Tell me, Fannon, will your hip move

much better than it ought?

 

Mi-cro-frac-turing done

Had to Google what that was

Sounds like something you do to

release gases from the ground [nevermind, that’s ‘fracking’]

 

A whole new hip!

A new fantastic way to move

Now you can touch the floor

It's not a chore

For you to tie your shoes

 

A whole new hip!

A feeling you so seldom knew

But it’s so crystal clear

You’ll need a beer

When you can walk again with your new hip

 

Far inadequate drugs

Indescribable feelings

Soreness, stiffness and reeling

Through an endless sleepless night

 

A whole new hip!

(Can you come back to work?)

A hundred hours you’d like to sleep

(Hurry up and get better)

Would you like to show your scar?

Let’s hit the bar…

You can't go back to where you used to be

 

A whole new hip!

(Worst Hip…in The Top 3!!!)

The doctors say you should not move

(It’s his crowning achievement)

 

But I'll push you anywhere

I just don’t care

I’ve had a thing for wheelchairs for a while

 

A whole new hip

(A whole new hip)

You’re finally free

(You’re finally free)

 

Out of that place

You made your case

Just wait and see

I LOVE EXCEL

Oh, EXCEL.  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways...
Or rather, let me SING the ways.  My feelings about excel can best be expressed through song to the tune of “Part of Your World” from Disney’s The Little Mermaid. 

Look at this cell, isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my excel sheet’s complete?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl

The girl who loves everything?

 

Look at this file, treasures untold

How many formulas can one spreadsheet hold?

Looking around here you'd think

Sure, she tabs everything

 

I've got filters and VLOOKUPs a plenty

I've got columns and highlights galore

You want pivot tables? I've got twenty!

But who cares? No big deal,

I want more...

 

I wanna be where the SUMIFs are

I wanna see, wanna see them function

 

Find and Replace on those

What do you call 'em? Oh, words

 

Staring at cells you don't get too far

Symbols are required for adding, subtracting

Scrolling along down a

What's that word again?

Sheet

 

Up where they sort, it’s just begun

I can concatenate ‘cause it’s fun

Control Alt Delete

Wish I could be, part of that world

 

What would I give if I could live

Out of this prison?

What would I pay to spend a day

With ASAP Utilities?

 

And on one hand, I understand

That I may one day need to use ACCESS

Too much data, much more stable

But not what I planned

 

And I'm ready to know what the experts know

Google my questions

And Wiki some answers

What's a hyperlink and what do I... what's the word?

Learn?

 

When's it my turn?

Can’t it be me, who will explore each spreadsheet I see?

I will confess.

Yes I’m obsessed.

I LOVE EXCEL.